Last night I decided to finally do something. Since my Father passed, I have been adrift aimlessly on my path. He died from Cancer at 65. His Father passed from Cancer at 61, and his Father passed from Cancer at 54. Do the math. I am 39 years of age which means I have approximately 30 years left. Not to be too morbid but facts are facts, and I am staring down a loaded shotgun. So it is up to me to take control over my life. I have spent too much time in my life moping about bad breaks in my fortune, my poor decisions, or even factors outside of my control that have adversely affected my lot in life. That's an ignorant way to go about things, similar to pinning one's retirement savings on hitting Power ball. I cant worry about things that I don't do well or skills I don't excel in.
From last night going forward, I aim to tackle life heads on. I am cognizant of the corny tone but things have to change. I will keep you updated, one of my goals is to blog more and to just write more in general. I started writing goals down and I will share at a later date. For the time being, I am accumulating those now. More information is forthcoming. Yea team.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I miss my Dad
I have not posted in some time. Not because I am too busy or don't know what to write, I just feel that my life is really not that interesting to warrant a Blog. I get up, go to work, return home. I try to take care of my family and not get robbed of all the covers by the dog. (Good luck). However, today I feel like getting something off of my chest so here I am, in the midst of my workday, writing a personal Blog post.
My Dad passed away 3/5/11. He was diagnosed with Cancer 18 months ago approximately. I suspect he was sick for some time before that, but in a true Pfaus manner, refused to seek treatment and/or loathed Doctors. He came for my son Oskar's 1st Birthday and he was in poor health. The Cancer had robbed him of the strength that, as a child, I feared and admired in him. He was so weak he needed help climbing the 9 steps we have to get upstairs and required assistance getting up from the couch. He wasn't the same person I knew growing up.
The Father -Son relationship is complicated and my relationship with my Father was especially so. He and I were close. I called him first if I had an issue with pretty much anything and though as the years went by, he was in a less favorable spot to help me, he always had just the right word or expression or lighthearted anecdote to make it feel as if everything would be ok. He was my biggest cheerleader, sometimes to a fault when a stern word or ass kicking would be appropriate.
When my Parents split, I lived with my Mom. That didn't work. My Mom was not in a good spot, and I was not very helpful to make single parenting easy. She was overwhelmed. So I went to her one day and told her of my intentions to live with my Dad. I was 11 years of age. At the time, my Dad was a very successful Salesman who traveled quite a bit for work. He had a career, complete with expense reports and important meetings. Having his son come to him and present him with a situation which, honestly, threw his entire world upside down. He went from having an Apartment in NYC to selling copiers in St Louis.
This is what I think of when I think of my Father. Loved his family and I am forever indebted to him for all he gave me. He is gone now and I cant change that but I can take the lessons (good/bad) learned from him as I raise my 14 month old son, Oskar.
More than anything, Dad, I just want to say "thanks."
My Dad passed away 3/5/11. He was diagnosed with Cancer 18 months ago approximately. I suspect he was sick for some time before that, but in a true Pfaus manner, refused to seek treatment and/or loathed Doctors. He came for my son Oskar's 1st Birthday and he was in poor health. The Cancer had robbed him of the strength that, as a child, I feared and admired in him. He was so weak he needed help climbing the 9 steps we have to get upstairs and required assistance getting up from the couch. He wasn't the same person I knew growing up.
The Father -Son relationship is complicated and my relationship with my Father was especially so. He and I were close. I called him first if I had an issue with pretty much anything and though as the years went by, he was in a less favorable spot to help me, he always had just the right word or expression or lighthearted anecdote to make it feel as if everything would be ok. He was my biggest cheerleader, sometimes to a fault when a stern word or ass kicking would be appropriate.
When my Parents split, I lived with my Mom. That didn't work. My Mom was not in a good spot, and I was not very helpful to make single parenting easy. She was overwhelmed. So I went to her one day and told her of my intentions to live with my Dad. I was 11 years of age. At the time, my Dad was a very successful Salesman who traveled quite a bit for work. He had a career, complete with expense reports and important meetings. Having his son come to him and present him with a situation which, honestly, threw his entire world upside down. He went from having an Apartment in NYC to selling copiers in St Louis.
This is what I think of when I think of my Father. Loved his family and I am forever indebted to him for all he gave me. He is gone now and I cant change that but I can take the lessons (good/bad) learned from him as I raise my 14 month old son, Oskar.
More than anything, Dad, I just want to say "thanks."
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