Last night I decided to finally do something. Since my Father passed, I have been adrift aimlessly on my path. He died from Cancer at 65. His Father passed from Cancer at 61, and his Father passed from Cancer at 54. Do the math. I am 39 years of age which means I have approximately 30 years left. Not to be too morbid but facts are facts, and I am staring down a loaded shotgun. So it is up to me to take control over my life. I have spent too much time in my life moping about bad breaks in my fortune, my poor decisions, or even factors outside of my control that have adversely affected my lot in life. That's an ignorant way to go about things, similar to pinning one's retirement savings on hitting Power ball. I cant worry about things that I don't do well or skills I don't excel in.
From last night going forward, I aim to tackle life heads on. I am cognizant of the corny tone but things have to change. I will keep you updated, one of my goals is to blog more and to just write more in general. I started writing goals down and I will share at a later date. For the time being, I am accumulating those now. More information is forthcoming. Yea team.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I miss my Dad
I have not posted in some time. Not because I am too busy or don't know what to write, I just feel that my life is really not that interesting to warrant a Blog. I get up, go to work, return home. I try to take care of my family and not get robbed of all the covers by the dog. (Good luck). However, today I feel like getting something off of my chest so here I am, in the midst of my workday, writing a personal Blog post.
My Dad passed away 3/5/11. He was diagnosed with Cancer 18 months ago approximately. I suspect he was sick for some time before that, but in a true Pfaus manner, refused to seek treatment and/or loathed Doctors. He came for my son Oskar's 1st Birthday and he was in poor health. The Cancer had robbed him of the strength that, as a child, I feared and admired in him. He was so weak he needed help climbing the 9 steps we have to get upstairs and required assistance getting up from the couch. He wasn't the same person I knew growing up.
The Father -Son relationship is complicated and my relationship with my Father was especially so. He and I were close. I called him first if I had an issue with pretty much anything and though as the years went by, he was in a less favorable spot to help me, he always had just the right word or expression or lighthearted anecdote to make it feel as if everything would be ok. He was my biggest cheerleader, sometimes to a fault when a stern word or ass kicking would be appropriate.
When my Parents split, I lived with my Mom. That didn't work. My Mom was not in a good spot, and I was not very helpful to make single parenting easy. She was overwhelmed. So I went to her one day and told her of my intentions to live with my Dad. I was 11 years of age. At the time, my Dad was a very successful Salesman who traveled quite a bit for work. He had a career, complete with expense reports and important meetings. Having his son come to him and present him with a situation which, honestly, threw his entire world upside down. He went from having an Apartment in NYC to selling copiers in St Louis.
This is what I think of when I think of my Father. Loved his family and I am forever indebted to him for all he gave me. He is gone now and I cant change that but I can take the lessons (good/bad) learned from him as I raise my 14 month old son, Oskar.
More than anything, Dad, I just want to say "thanks."
My Dad passed away 3/5/11. He was diagnosed with Cancer 18 months ago approximately. I suspect he was sick for some time before that, but in a true Pfaus manner, refused to seek treatment and/or loathed Doctors. He came for my son Oskar's 1st Birthday and he was in poor health. The Cancer had robbed him of the strength that, as a child, I feared and admired in him. He was so weak he needed help climbing the 9 steps we have to get upstairs and required assistance getting up from the couch. He wasn't the same person I knew growing up.
The Father -Son relationship is complicated and my relationship with my Father was especially so. He and I were close. I called him first if I had an issue with pretty much anything and though as the years went by, he was in a less favorable spot to help me, he always had just the right word or expression or lighthearted anecdote to make it feel as if everything would be ok. He was my biggest cheerleader, sometimes to a fault when a stern word or ass kicking would be appropriate.
When my Parents split, I lived with my Mom. That didn't work. My Mom was not in a good spot, and I was not very helpful to make single parenting easy. She was overwhelmed. So I went to her one day and told her of my intentions to live with my Dad. I was 11 years of age. At the time, my Dad was a very successful Salesman who traveled quite a bit for work. He had a career, complete with expense reports and important meetings. Having his son come to him and present him with a situation which, honestly, threw his entire world upside down. He went from having an Apartment in NYC to selling copiers in St Louis.
This is what I think of when I think of my Father. Loved his family and I am forever indebted to him for all he gave me. He is gone now and I cant change that but I can take the lessons (good/bad) learned from him as I raise my 14 month old son, Oskar.
More than anything, Dad, I just want to say "thanks."
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
50 Questions
So every now and then I see one of these things show up on Facebook. It's the kind of thing where someone posts it as a note and then tags so many people so that they will feel obligated to complete the survey with their own answers. I haven't ever filled one out before and felt like doing this time for some random reason. Enjoy!
1. What time did you get up this morning? About 6:30
2. How do you like your steak? Rare
3. What was the last film you saw at the cienma? The Expendables
4. What is your favorite TV show? Dont really have a favorite. I used to like The Simpsons but they have jumped the shark.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? North Shore. Or maybe UP in Michigan
6. What did you have for breakfast? I had my one bowl of Golden Grahams
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Pizza? I love mashed taters and steak. My wife makes a mean bowl of chilli which makes me look forward to cooler weather for lazy Sundays with a bowl of that.
8. What foods do you dislike? I recently found that I LOATHE Salt 'n' Vinegar chips. Vomit.
9. Favorite Place to Eat? I dont have a favorite.
10. Favorite dressing? Honey Mustard
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Jeep Liberty...yes a chick car.
12. What are your favorite clothes? T-shirt and shorts
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? NYC, Japan,Germany, Bahamas, British Columbia... I don't get to travel too much, but I'd like to.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Most days I am a 1/2 full kind of guy.
15. Where would you want to retire? I have never really thought of this till just now.
16. Favorite time of day? Evenings, when I have nothing else to worry about between work and sleep.
17. Where were you born? Lincoln Park MI. I could say Detroit, it is a suburb, but there are seldom so few people born in the city, my sister being an exception. I chuckle when I hear people like Kristen Bell mention they were born in Detroit. No, no you were not.
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? College Football is good. Baseball and playoff Hockey is pretty good.
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? I stole this from Facebook and was technically not tagged. And since this is going up on my blog, there won't be any tagging going on. That makes this question a moot point.
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? See #19
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? I'm always interested to learn random details about just about anyone. I find these lists to be a nice little social experiment. But I don't expect to see these questions anywhere else beyond this post.
22. Bird watcher? No not really, which is a shame. I live in one of the most gorgeous area of America and I seldom get out to watch birds.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Depends on the day I guess. Some nights I'm too tired to be a night person. Some mornings I'm too tired to be a morning person.
24. Do you have any pets? 1 dog Oden who honestly has ruined dogs for me. He is the best dog ever and I just cannot see myself getting another dog. ever.
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Every day there is something new with the boy Oskar. His new deal is that he growls. Honest to god growls. He is hilarious and sweet and the best boy in the world.
26. What did you want to be when you were little? I wanted to play CF for the Tigers and drive a Trans Am. I guess I could still buy a used Trans Am.
27. What is your best childhood memory? I hit the game winning triple in a Little League game with the bases loaded. I made it to 3rd and Coach Schmidt picked me up in celebration and threw me around like a doll. I 'friended' Jake Lorms who was on that team. He remembered the most minute details of that hit. It was good to remember and to have that lasting of an impression on someone else was cool.
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Dog. Cats weird me out. True story; I was nice to this sweet little cat that was rail thin. The sweetest cat ever, she would rub against your She appeared to be underfed and so I went inside and got some scraps of pork. This cat cooed and purred against me. The moment was cute but ultimately ruined the following Sunday when I saw this same adorable kitty pull a squirrel out of a tree to attack it. Long story short; I hate cats.
29. Are you married? Coming up on a year in October. This has been a year that has flown by but I cant see myself without my wife. We are a combo pack now.
30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes. Click it or ticket. It's the law.
31. Been in a car accident? A bad one in HS. I was concussed and everything. Spent two days in the Hospital. Have a nice scar on the forehead. A woman had a seizure in a car and we plowed into her. That is what I am told. I dont remember a thing.
32. Any pet peeves? I HATE aggressive drivers. Just assholes that wont let you over.
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? I'm ok with just plain Pepperoni. I possess plain taste buds. Every once in a while we will get the Hawaiian with Pineapple and Ham.
34. Favorite Flower? Next.
35. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate. Plain.
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Wendy's or Taco Bell. Burgerville is pretty good too. I like their shakes.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Once
38. From whom did you get your last email? Work: Something from Corporate. Personal: A Fwd from my Dad.
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? I'd like to go wild in REI just once. Amazon. com or Powells would work too.
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? I wish I were more spontaneous but I am not built that way.
41. Like your job? Absolutely not. No.
42. If you could do anything, what would it be? I want to get to a point where I can work for a job with little pay but generous benefits. EX: Romp around with the animals at a no-kill shelter.
43. What was your favorite vacation? Probably the one that's coming up in a few weeks. It'll be a weekend at the lake with the old gang from college. Can't wait.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Jenn.
45. What are you listening to? The classic rock station. And the mind-numbing droning of co-workers and customers at the bank.
46. What is your favorite color? Blue
47. How many tattoos do you have? Just 1.
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? See the answer to #19
49. What time did you finish this quiz? 10:45am
50. Coffee Drinker? Nope. Not even a little bit.
So every now and then I see one of these things show up on Facebook. It's the kind of thing where someone posts it as a note and then tags so many people so that they will feel obligated to complete the survey with their own answers. I haven't ever filled one out before and felt like doing this time for some random reason. Enjoy!
1. What time did you get up this morning? About 6:30
2. How do you like your steak? Rare
3. What was the last film you saw at the cienma? The Expendables
4. What is your favorite TV show? Dont really have a favorite. I used to like The Simpsons but they have jumped the shark.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? North Shore. Or maybe UP in Michigan
6. What did you have for breakfast? I had my one bowl of Golden Grahams
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Pizza? I love mashed taters and steak. My wife makes a mean bowl of chilli which makes me look forward to cooler weather for lazy Sundays with a bowl of that.
8. What foods do you dislike? I recently found that I LOATHE Salt 'n' Vinegar chips. Vomit.
9. Favorite Place to Eat? I dont have a favorite.
10. Favorite dressing? Honey Mustard
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Jeep Liberty...yes a chick car.
12. What are your favorite clothes? T-shirt and shorts
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? NYC, Japan,Germany, Bahamas, British Columbia... I don't get to travel too much, but I'd like to.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Most days I am a 1/2 full kind of guy.
15. Where would you want to retire? I have never really thought of this till just now.
16. Favorite time of day? Evenings, when I have nothing else to worry about between work and sleep.
17. Where were you born? Lincoln Park MI. I could say Detroit, it is a suburb, but there are seldom so few people born in the city, my sister being an exception. I chuckle when I hear people like Kristen Bell mention they were born in Detroit. No, no you were not.
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? College Football is good. Baseball and playoff Hockey is pretty good.
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? I stole this from Facebook and was technically not tagged. And since this is going up on my blog, there won't be any tagging going on. That makes this question a moot point.
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? See #19
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? I'm always interested to learn random details about just about anyone. I find these lists to be a nice little social experiment. But I don't expect to see these questions anywhere else beyond this post.
22. Bird watcher? No not really, which is a shame. I live in one of the most gorgeous area of America and I seldom get out to watch birds.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Depends on the day I guess. Some nights I'm too tired to be a night person. Some mornings I'm too tired to be a morning person.
24. Do you have any pets? 1 dog Oden who honestly has ruined dogs for me. He is the best dog ever and I just cannot see myself getting another dog. ever.
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Every day there is something new with the boy Oskar. His new deal is that he growls. Honest to god growls. He is hilarious and sweet and the best boy in the world.
26. What did you want to be when you were little? I wanted to play CF for the Tigers and drive a Trans Am. I guess I could still buy a used Trans Am.
27. What is your best childhood memory? I hit the game winning triple in a Little League game with the bases loaded. I made it to 3rd and Coach Schmidt picked me up in celebration and threw me around like a doll. I 'friended' Jake Lorms who was on that team. He remembered the most minute details of that hit. It was good to remember and to have that lasting of an impression on someone else was cool.
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Dog. Cats weird me out. True story; I was nice to this sweet little cat that was rail thin. The sweetest cat ever, she would rub against your She appeared to be underfed and so I went inside and got some scraps of pork. This cat cooed and purred against me. The moment was cute but ultimately ruined the following Sunday when I saw this same adorable kitty pull a squirrel out of a tree to attack it. Long story short; I hate cats.
29. Are you married? Coming up on a year in October. This has been a year that has flown by but I cant see myself without my wife. We are a combo pack now.
30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes. Click it or ticket. It's the law.
31. Been in a car accident? A bad one in HS. I was concussed and everything. Spent two days in the Hospital. Have a nice scar on the forehead. A woman had a seizure in a car and we plowed into her. That is what I am told. I dont remember a thing.
32. Any pet peeves? I HATE aggressive drivers. Just assholes that wont let you over.
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? I'm ok with just plain Pepperoni. I possess plain taste buds. Every once in a while we will get the Hawaiian with Pineapple and Ham.
34. Favorite Flower? Next.
35. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate. Plain.
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Wendy's or Taco Bell. Burgerville is pretty good too. I like their shakes.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Once
38. From whom did you get your last email? Work: Something from Corporate. Personal: A Fwd from my Dad.
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? I'd like to go wild in REI just once. Amazon. com or Powells would work too.
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? I wish I were more spontaneous but I am not built that way.
41. Like your job? Absolutely not. No.
42. If you could do anything, what would it be? I want to get to a point where I can work for a job with little pay but generous benefits. EX: Romp around with the animals at a no-kill shelter.
43. What was your favorite vacation? Probably the one that's coming up in a few weeks. It'll be a weekend at the lake with the old gang from college. Can't wait.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Jenn.
45. What are you listening to? The classic rock station. And the mind-numbing droning of co-workers and customers at the bank.
46. What is your favorite color? Blue
47. How many tattoos do you have? Just 1.
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? See the answer to #19
49. What time did you finish this quiz? 10:45am
50. Coffee Drinker? Nope. Not even a little bit.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Softball Update
So we are 6-0. Not bad, in 1st place but trouble looms ahead. Our pitcher, Kevin, cannot make it for the playoffs. That leaves us scrambling as it is. No one wants to, nor is really able to pitch. I did it one game in a pinch, and did ok, but I dont know how I'd do against some good teams. That leads me to my next point.
We grilled after the last game. Good times, everyone gets along really well. We scouted the 2nd place team, "No Glove/No Love." They are killers. They can all hit. They can all field. We are winning via smoke and mirrors. They are legit. Each season I have played with our team, "Perfect Strangers" we have done awesome in the regular season and then lost in the playoffs. In the fall, this was because the the other team loaded up with a few ringers and beat us in the championship game. The summer saw the same thing. So I dont know what we are going to do this spring. I see myself being pushed into pitching, and us losing in the championship game once again. I'll pout, pissed that we lost, and everyone will write it off as not important, or that it is just softball. I hate to lose. Period. I dont like to get to a traffic light after the car in the next lane. You think mentioning a loss in softball as insignificant is going to pacify me any?
On the same stream of thought, Adrienne, our 2nd basemen, mentioned I was "intense." I didnt apologize, though I thought it was funny.
We grilled after the last game. Good times, everyone gets along really well. We scouted the 2nd place team, "No Glove/No Love." They are killers. They can all hit. They can all field. We are winning via smoke and mirrors. They are legit. Each season I have played with our team, "Perfect Strangers" we have done awesome in the regular season and then lost in the playoffs. In the fall, this was because the the other team loaded up with a few ringers and beat us in the championship game. The summer saw the same thing. So I dont know what we are going to do this spring. I see myself being pushed into pitching, and us losing in the championship game once again. I'll pout, pissed that we lost, and everyone will write it off as not important, or that it is just softball. I hate to lose. Period. I dont like to get to a traffic light after the car in the next lane. You think mentioning a loss in softball as insignificant is going to pacify me any?
On the same stream of thought, Adrienne, our 2nd basemen, mentioned I was "intense." I didnt apologize, though I thought it was funny.
I am ready
5/10/10. The time is now. I ran 2 miles today in anticipation of getting in gear for the Marathon. I am going to struggle. I am starting late, basically a couch potato and attempting to run my 1st marathon. The picture is of me right before my 1/2 I ran in 2007. So I have some distance running experience. I plan on running 2 miles 3x this week, then 4 miles on Saturday. I will increase the mileage each week, For example, week 2 will see me run 3 miles 3x a week and then 6 miles on Saturday. I dont know if this is possible at all but I like pushing myself and maybe I'll be able to do it in spite of all the obstacles in front of me...(baby, killer commute to/from work, work just being work.) I'll keep you in the loop.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
He makes his appearance
After some delay and a few issues with the logistics trying to birth what would be a monster baby, Oskar Aaron came into our world this morning at 3:35 am. Poor Jenn had to stay up all night fighting the good fight, struggling to deliver a 8 lb 14.5 oz baby vaginally. For some time, it was apparent to everyone except the staff at the Hospital that there was no way this was possible. She was so tired, beaten down by this kid. To top it off, OHSU is a trauma facility, and there were two emergencies at this same time, taking up both Anesthelogists that were on staff early Saturday morning. Her Epidural had slipped and she was going through the contractions without meds. Not a good time. In addition, the staff thought that Jenn could deliver the baby on her own. I have no medical background. I have never delivered a baby or even seen one delivered until this morning, but even I knew that her delivering this mongo baby wasnt going to happen without surgery. Eventaully, the Dr came to her senses and a C-section was ordered. That is how we got my son.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Something that went terribly wrong
Softball is gearing up and, in a moment I now regret, declined the opportunity to become manager. I am not a leader by most measures but mostly I didnt want to manage for fear I'd get really upset or hurt someone's feelings. I am competitive. EXTREMELY so. This manifests itself in what even I consider silly situations. Traffic, board games, and especially co-ed rec softball. Team sports get me going. I try to brush it off and spout cliches like "as long as everyone plays well and we dont get blown out." Or, "we're here to have some fun." Fuck that. Winning is fun. End of story.
I'll keep updates on our season.
I'll keep updates on our season.
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